Cookie

Yesterday I went to the Baptist church for a funeral of one of our investigators mom who had died. (Our investigator is getting baptized on Tuesday. Yay!) It was a pretty good sermon, he talked about himself mostly and I didn't really here anything about Cookies (yes, that's the investigators name, she's white, it was her nickname growing up, so she changed her name to that. cool huh?) mom. It was really sad actually. There was cross with thorn crown and some purple cloth drapped around it. It was really sad, it did not make me feel happy or peaceful. It just reminded me about all the hardships I've had in my life. It just brought up to many bad memories/feelings. I honestly don't know why you would want to feel that way every Sunday! I wouldn't! Anyway! The pastor talked about heaven, he was pretty accurate except that he said we get new bodies. I was thinking, "No! I like my old body that I have right now! I don't want a new one!" It was kind of a weird thought. After the service me and Sis Anderson was standing there not really knowing where to do or what to do (the funeral was mostly family) so we waited for Cookie to tell us what she wanted us to do (go with her to the luncheon or leave). While we were standing there the pastors wife pretty much cornered us and asked us who we were and why we were there. It was actuallyu quit funny. In fact, her name was Anne. :) So we talked to Anne for a while and I asked her a little bit about how her husband and how he came to be the pastor. Then I told her I really liked her husbands sermon. She looked at me like I had 2 heads or something! She was totally shocked that I liked his sermon! It was really good, and I wasn't lying, it was just a little off from the truth, but it was good. I heard later from one of the member in the ward out here (we were at their house for dinner) and he said the pastor was almost anti-mormon. Haha! It explained a lot! I talked to Sis Anderson about it later and she said she did not feel any peace when we were there. She lost her grandma right after she came on a mission (a year ago), and the sermon did not bring her comfort. It was a sad realization about how others look at the after life. Anyway! Yesterday was interesting. This week has been really hard for me. We had 2 baptisms scheduled for this week (Cookie's is still on for Tuesday), and the other one was for Friday. But the guy got into a fight with his wife and left. He says he still wants to get baptized, but it may not be in this ward (he moved to Fort Wingate? it's about 20 miles away). I was really excited for that baptism too, and I'm really sad that I may not see it. Sis Anderson told me that once you say yes to being baptized it's like putting a huge target on your back. That day and week have not been good for the people we have scheduled baptisms for. Like Cookie's mom dying and the guy getting into a fight with his wife. And then to top it off, I've met an elder who came on a mission just because he wants the RM badge to get a wife....I was so mad at this elder! I wanted to rip his head off! He's a good person too, but his motives are all wrong! And it makes me mad because I know how important this work is now and I hate to see missionaries here for the wrong reasons. Sis Anderson and I have come up with a good saying: "Don't hang out in the vineyard (Jacob 5). Labor!" I hate missionaries who hang out in the vineyard! Today I was reading in 3 Ne 11 which talks about Jesus visiting the Nephites. Jesus gives his doctrine to the people because some were not teaching correct doctrine. His doctrine is that we baptize people so they can inherit the kingdom of God. In verse 41 it says "Therefore, fo forth unto this people, and declare the words which I have spoken, unto the ends of the earth." Jesus is saying we have to baptize people and the only way we are going to do that is missionary work!!!!! My mission president was telling me that some people think their job or whatever is more important than missionary work, but our most important thing we can do on this earth is bring people to the knowledge of the true gospel! Those are the people who are going to make it to the Celestial Kingdom...because there are a lot of members of the church who are not going to make it to the Celestial Kingdom...and those are the ones who do not do missionary work. We have to be a light to the world so people can see our good works so we can glorify our Father in Heaven....we can't be a light if we are sitting at home on a Friday night when the missionaries need us to go with them to a lesson, or if we aren't going to give them referrals. We have to help the missionaries in their efforts!
Ugh. Sorry, I'm just really frustrated right now. And I'm really learning what it means to be a missionary and how important missionary work is to Heavenly Father. I'm so glad that I decided to go, I probably wouldn't have learned so much in my whole life as I'm learning right now. It's tough, Julia and Helen, it really is. And you're probably going to think "what am I doing out here" but embrace the hard times so you can grow from them. Heavenly Father does answer your prayers. I've been praying so hard to have the Spirit with me so I can teach what Heavenly Father wants those people to hear. And you know, if Dad or your ward mission leader or your companion or other missionaries or whoever doesn't think you're good enough to be a missionary fine. HEAVENLY FATHER KNOWS THAT YOU'RE GOOD ENOUGH. For ANYTHING.
Love
Leda

Mud Mud Mud

Last week we were out on the rez trying to see some people, and the sun had caked the mud over so it looked dry. So we decided we were going to go up this driveway. But we got stuck! Even in 4WD! It was bad! Really bad! So I had to get out and push, but it was really stuck! And then my shoe came off in the mud, and when I turned around to get it, I could hardly see it because the mud was so deep! It was crazy! Two cars stopped to help us, finally a truck came and pulled up out (shoof!). We want to go back and find those people and teach them the gospel! I love the reservation a lot even though we got stuck in the mud! :) My comp and I want to track the rez one day next week. I think it's like 8 miles, but I'm way excited! I love the rez! I will be sad if I'm not in the Farmington mission, but I'll go wherever the Lord needs me. This mission is not about me, it's about the Lord and his work and I'm just an instrument in his hands. I was having some troubles with confidence last week, and I was thinking maybe it was my lack of faith. So I studied faith on Sunday and I found that to have faith is to have confidence in someone or something. I realized that I need to have confidence in Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ that I was really called on a mission to preach the gospel, and because of that they will help me in my efforts. It's not me that converts, it's the Spirit, and I need to have faith/confidence that the Spirit will guide me in what to say to bring others unto Christ. My comp Sister Anderson pointed out to me that I need to have faith/confidence in myself. That was a real boost to me because I had forgotten that I do need to have faith in myself, especially as a missionary. Man, yesterday was good day for my self esteem. :) It was like someone recharged my battery.
Also, yesterday one of our investigators mom had died. We went over to make sure she was ok, and I can't believe how much comfort the gospel really brings to people in those situations. She is actually scheduled to be baptized next week, but we'll see if that happens, but she is so strong in the gospel already and going over there gave her a lot of comfort. But she still needs to find that peace of course. This is what I really wanted to do as a missionary. Is to help people who are going through death, because I know how to help and I want to help them discover what I discovered. And let me tell you, there has been no shortage of people dealing with death around here. It's awesome to bring people the gospel and show them that they can see that person again! This is where I'm supposed to be!
(Note from the Editor: So Leda sent me a letter that I can copy onto here, but I can't find it, sorry! I'll find it and post it out of order:)